You Serious, Hockey?

January 17, 2018

With baseball slipping, NFL ratings dropping, and fans looking for other sports to fall in love with, hockey is in a great position to pull in new fans and grow their base. They've already lost some favor with the casual fan not letting NHL players play in the Winter Olympics this year. 

 

This might be strike two...err...a two-minute minor (or something like that).

 

Today, it was announced that the NHL All-Star game will be headlined by...Kid Rock. Yes, THAT Kid Rock: the dude who wears an American Flag like a poncho...the dude who may or may not be running for Senate...the dude who looks like rusty pennies taste....the dude who got booed at a Pistons game in his own fucking town...the bad guy from Joe Dirt. Goddamn Kid Rock.

I get it. With the NFL seeing fans turn off the TV and pointing to the Anthem protests as a reason, it makes sense to try to lure those fans in with the wife-beater-wearing blue-collar icon who stopped a concert once to proudly yell "Fuck Colin Kaepernick!"

But this seems absolutely crazy. So I've put together a comprehensive list of people who would be a better choice to headline the NHL All-Star game over Kid Rock:

  1. Literally anyone else.

I know how this looks. It looks like I think this pick is stupid because I don't agree with Kid Rock politically. But it honestly has nothing to do with that. Kid Rock just sucks.

 

Look, I'm just like every other guy that graduated high school in the early 2000s. I got super pumped when Bawitdaba came on TRL. I knew all the words to Devil Without a Cause and would yell out Joe C.'s line: "3 foot 9 with a 10 foot dick!"

 

But the guy changed. And if anything, it's Sheryl Crow's fault. After that collaboration, Kid Rock stopped being Kid Rock and just became this weird Lynyrd Skynyrd knock off, Rebel Flag and all.

 

So come on Bettman. Get your head out of your ass. This is the most attention people will pay to the NHL outside of the playoffs. And you're fucking it up! I'm sure Joe C. is rolling in his tiny little grave right now with the notion of what Kid Rock has become, and you're rewarding it.

We should all make a pact right now that Kid Rock doesn't get booked for another show until he trades in his Hank Williams Jr.-wannabe shtick and gets in the pit and tries to love someone again.

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