Baseball of Thrones; or When You Play the Game of Baseball, You Win, or You Get Them Next Year

March 29, 2018

Baseball Houses


Fit for Opening Day, and to get your GoT fix since there won’t be any new episodes this year, why not have a little fun and pair Houses from the show with Major League Baseball teams?


This will not be exact, and of course are very subjective, but remember – this is all in good fun for the start of baseball season.


Toronto Blue Jays = The Night’s Watch  Both are in the frozen North, and while they have some interesting subplots, ultimately their glory days are well behind them both. Each has lost their mightiest warriors recently, in Jose Bautista and Jon Snow, and the future is looking dire for both with the influx of undead – and young Yankees.


San Francisco Giants = House Stark  Winter is coming. It’s an even year. You can hear it. There’s a consistency to both. Both have been on a down swing lately, but made moves that could return them to glory, bringing in Evan Longoria and Andrew McCutchen, or Jon Snow and the Stark sisters. You could see good things for both without having to squint, but wouldn’t be surprised if they were both wiped out.


Los Angeles Dodgers = House Martell  They both bided their time, and tried to make the right moves. Then someone got impetuous, and all hell broke loose (Oberon/Yasiel Puig) causing a shift in philosophy. But in making the right alliances (new ownership/Daenerys) they are both poised for a triumphant return to the greatness that is in their storied pasts.


Montreal Expos = House Castamere  They each pissed off the powers that be (Bud Selig/Tywin Lannister) by simply wanting to exist, and were summarily wiped out. They were not popular in their later days, which helped Selig/Tywin wipe them out with impunity, but have a bit of a romanticized past these days, thanks to book (Up, Up and Away) and song (Rains of Castamere), but are ultimately irrelevant today.


Cincinnati Reds = House Baratheon  They ruled once, briefly, had a glimpse of greatness again, and have descended into irrelevance/extinction save one guy who spent seasons rowing (walking). Their flame out was brought about by profligate spending on the wrong things (Robert/Griffey Jr.), minor characters believing they were major players (Renly/Endless List of Busts), and rigidly clinging to irrational beliefs despite evidence to the contrary (Stannis/Walt Jocketty).


New York Yankees = House Targaryen You’d think the richest franchise would be Lannister, right? Wrong. The historic dysfunction of the Yankees, the years of rule and subsequent fall from power, the promise for the immediate future, and the easy comparisons of both George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin to the Mad King make this a better fit. Basically, the Targaryens created the GoT world for better or worse, just like the Yankees set the tone for MLB.


Miami Marlins = House Tully  Both turned to historic heroes, Derek Jeter or the Blackfish, who immediately just led them into ruin and essentially extinction. Plus, they’re both fish. That’s too easy. Also, each has about 12 fans, so not too many people gave a shit about the ruin and extinction.


Chicago Cubs = House Arryn  You thought this would be House Mormont, didn’t you? Not significant enough. Besides, the parallels are here: Both were hidden away in years in mythic homes (the Vale/Wrigley Field) and avoided partaking in affairs of the realm – or the playoffs. Then, they awoke under new leadership to sweeping victories (Battle of the Bastards/2016 World Series). They’ve both been set up for future victories under new, dynamic leadership in Theo Epstein and Sansa Stark, and both are now a force to be reckoned with.


Kansas City Royals = House Tyrell  Both followed a brief rise to power with a quick fade back into obscurity. The Tyrells rose through an alliance, then briefly took the upper hand in said alliance. The Royals, after years of futility, spent a short time atop their League. Sadly, while both have interesting characters, neither seems to have a part to play in the wars – or playoffs – to come.


Pittsburgh Pirates = House Greyjoy  Again, this is too easy. Both make batshit crazy moves, dumping leaders (Balon/McCutchen) and key players (Yara/Cole) and then make claims to greatness (Iron Throne/playoffs) with absolutely zero basis in actual fact. Both come from dark, foreboding places, best forgotten and passed by for outsiders.


Boston Red Sox = House Lannister  If the Yankees weren’t the Lannisters, it had to be the BoSox, right? Both have deep pockets, or at least give the impression of having them. Their struggles with the powers that be (Yankees/Targaryens) helped define the modern era. Both have had recent successes followed by setbacks. Both have had key, intellectual members leave, to return to prominence with other franchises/houses (Theo Epstein/Tyrion). Love them or hate them, in either case, you can’t ignore them.


St. Louis Cardinals = Qarth  They’re great – just ask them. They’re the greatest city or fanbase ever invented, and all glory is theirs, yadda yadda, etc. etc. Yawn. They’re impressive, yes, but it’s been awhile since the world revolved around either.


New York Mets = White Walkers  Both are marching out armies of the undead, and act poised to take over their world, but you know deep down, that even if they can make things interesting for a while, they’re bound to lose, because that is just their role in their respective stories, reanimated dragons/former Reds be damned.


 I know, it’s not every house or team, but I’m open to suggestions for other connections. In the meantime, Valar Morghulis and Play Ball

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